About 30 minutes after my mammogram, a nurse came in to talk about some stuff with my mom and me. To be honest, the whole discussion was a blur and the only things I remember her mentioning were:
1) what it means when a mass is considered invasive
2) that the doctor was very concerned
3) that my mammogram was rated as a category 5 (meaning it’s at least 95% likely that the mass is cancerous)
Even though, I was hearing what she was saying, the words weren’t sinking in and I remember actually laughing and making a joke at one point. She probably thought I was crazy. I thought I was crazy. But it didn’t feel real and therefore I couldn’t help but laugh about it.
She told me that they wanted to do a biopsy as soon as possible, so I set up at appointment for Monday morning and left.
With Ivory being gone and friends staying at our apartment, the last thing I wanted to do was act like everything was okay because I knew it would only be a matter of time until I broke down. So, I [very awkwardly] told my guests that I wouldn’t be there for the rest of the weekend, packed a bag, and headed off to my parents’ house for the weekend. And man, am I glad I did.
Over the next 48 hours, I was overwhelmed with every emotion imaginable and they hit me at alarmingly fast rates. I went from laughing to crying in a matter of minutes, and that really scared me.
I’ve always been an emotional person, and I’m more than okay with expressing those emotions, but this was very overwhelming for me and I’m so glad that no one but my family saw it.
All in all, that weekend was the roughest part of this whole journey so far.