After my biopsy, my nurse told me that I should get a call with the results the next day. I was pretty shocked because, from what I hear, these things take time. At the same time though, I was really happy that I wouldn’t have to drive myself crazy playing the waiting game.
While, I had pretty much succumbed to the fact that it was cancer, there was still a part of me that held onto the hope that it was nothing.
My phone was not more than three inches away from my fingers at any point that day, and when it rang around 3:30 my heart skipped a beat. I took a deep breath and answered.
False alarm. It was just my biopsy nurse calling to check up on me and to see if I had heard anything. Seriously, she was the sweetest. I’m sure it was her job, but I didn’t care. It made me feel like she was looking out for me.
Around 4:30 my phone rang again, and this time it was my doctor. She sounded very sweet and sad as she told me what I had already known.
“Ms. Adair, I’m sorry to tell you this, but your biopsy came back positive. You have Invasive Ductal Carcinoma.”
All I could do was laugh. Not because it was funny, but because it was a relief. There wasn’t anymore holding my breath, no more waiting to find out my fate. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I had received the confirmation that I needed to hear. I needed to know it was real.
I have breast cancer.
I left work and called Ivory, my mom, and my sister. I know that hearing me laugh over the phone, helped them feel okay about the results. I didn’t want anyone to cry. This was not (and is not) a death sentence.
When I got home, Ivory said that we didn’t have to go to his baseball game. On any other night, I would’ve been relieved because I don’t find baseball to be the most entertaining of sports, but tonight I wanted to go. I didn’t want to sit at home with him and wait for the inevitable wall of emotion to hit us. I wanted things to continue being normal.
So, we went and I’m really glad we did. With my niece and my sister by my side, I spent that night taking everything in, feeling at peace, and telling myself over and over again, “you will be just fine”.
And I will be.